Starting Somewhere

It was probably the longest week I’ve ever survived. A steady succession of dramatic events spilling over to a sudden Wednesday. I wasn’t present for Monday and Tuesday possibly. Just work, the computer screen and indulging in blankness.

Friday night I went to Bau Bau to see Fahmi . I listened to him speak about history while he ate nasi lemak with a glass of beer. I counted the number of times he complimented himself. Four. Occasionally self-employed he has had the time to be fluent in local history. God-damn, I thought. I got to get drunk on Malayan philosophy before I can be of any use to him and his new project.

Janggut walked me home, safely to my car and he mourned the loss of his cat. I said it might come back, but he doubted it. “The cat knows how to shit in the bathroom, and it’s spayed. DAMMIT my whole day’s just ruined you know. SIAL.”

I promised him my newborn kitten, in a moment of weakness.

Although they acknowledged each other from across the room, the UBU Founder and Fahmi, I didnt conclude he was a graduate until days later. Of course he had all the symptoms of a, ah, I don’t know – a hippie? I just assumed Pasar Seni was the sort of place. The only place, maybe.

Saturday I went down to the Holiday Villa, and met my crazy friend and his brothers. They kept me awake during Tengku Razaleigh’s talk. He sounded frail and old, I don’t think he should read from his speech if he already made us wait an hour. I quickly forgot about the event.

Sunday I went to Port Dickson, observing the sunset. I prayed and I must have surrendered a considerable amount of will. The problem is you don’t know what it is you’re supposed to give God. I just teared for a bit observing the sun. We prayed at the Kasah mosque. Sure enough, when I turned back you could not see the sea.

Monday, my ex-boyfriend’s sister came to the house. It confused me, perhaps she didn’t already know. The dinner was friendly, strange, but warm.

“You better tell her, ” My mother said.

I believe Faz already told her.

Yesterday I was so exhausted, but I couldn’t sleep.

I went to the library and took out a few history books, but I was my eyes were too sore to read.

I want to write though, I want to write. I am just a bit confused.

I laugh and smile now, though. I think about my career.